moJIto...

okay so I have discovered that I can only do this whole spill your guts thing on the internet when I have a certain cocktail running through the night.... I have been thinking about a million things that would probably be fun and creative and a little shitty to write about, since it has been over a year since the last post, however for those of you who know me, know that I already spill so much shit out of my mouth everyday - I mean what could I possible have to talk-type about...well you would be surprised.... well before I start - if you are offended easily - you may want to stop reading right now...... because the following will be full of possible vulgarity and inpolitically correct craziness...okay... for those of you who once again know me, and to those people that don't know me at all... and better yet to the ones that think you know... I have a few things that I have been needing to vent... 1 the va, 2 the freakin mid-eastern dude living in the US that cut his wifes head off, 3 my ridiculous attraction to the latin man and probably a few others... number one... the va. It is horrible. I had the worst most depressing disgusting expierence on Monday and will never go back. Besides the whole I freaked the f***ed out on three people there and only felt mildly horrible... well my excuse throught out this post and the rest of my life is that I have something wrong with my genes due to the Sellers bloodline is it... and until some weird scientist wants to prove me wrong... can never ever say different. They were so worried about sending me to mental health to screen me for PTSD - and for those of you who don't know that would be Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome - that I never got around to being seen for the reason that I actually went for. I mean come on - like I told them, those poor fools, that even if I did have it, and it was completely reasonable, that I would have had it since I was at least five, and that if I haven't commited a homicide by now - it wasn't going to happen, and their screen wasn't going to do shit to make me or the world a better place. Okay either way... it wasn't there fault that my primary physican told me that I smoke too much, I drink too much, and that I was obese... oh shit... are you serious.. .that was the first person I freaked out on... after that, instead of sending me to the lab to tell them that I wasn't baking something in the tummy - they sent me to mental health to be screened, because when I anwered the questions about how much I drink, the screen turned yellow, and said that wasn't okay... whatever that means... haha, okay, so I go to mental health and tell this lady about how there are two types are people. Both types of people have had shitty traumatic shit happen in their childhood to present day... but the difference between the two is this: one group lets their horrible past dictate the decisions they make in present day with no thought to anything further, and the second group uses their shitty past to propel them forward to make the decisions that will lead to the better future.... ok insert here - I am not part of the first group.... and the people of the first group should all be shot because of they are a waste of our resources that the elderly people should be privy to. (please don't take offense - and if you do - well this is me using amendment #1 - freedom of speech). Okay back to the lady doing the screening... I liked her... very understanding... okay but seriously.. I finished with her telling me she would like me to go and have an additional screening for PTSD... something I already knew, anyway, she sent me to the appointment desk so that he could sign off on my checklist of people that wanted/needed to see me.... skip to the he was sending me to the lab - got there with sadly 20 people in a 5 people capacity waiting room all of which were clearly WWII vets and mostly in wheenchairs... waiting for lab work to be done... please hold your comments here - a black lady with a crazy colored weave comes out of an office, where I politely ask where do I get a number to get in line, she hands me a laminated paper that says "32" - I ask her what number we are on, and she looks at me sourly and says "11." I say okay..... and sit down in chair.... and wait knowing my patience was severely lacking... I give it five minutes... knowing I am going to loose every ounce of everything, and call my mom to vent(this is after I have already spent three hours there.) oh and by the way - the va hours are 9am to 430pm, okay so I get up and go back to the appointment man, where I try to explain to him that because I have already been here for a long time, I don't have the luxury to sit for another three hours for labs... and he tries to convince me that I should just wait... so in the mode of freaking out, I explain to him that because I am a single mother, I can't really sit in the va, that I really need to leave to go to work.... and ask him if I can make an appointment to come back when it is more convinent... he again says I should just sit and wait it out.... I lost a marble there, where I told him that I was sorry, but that I wasn't interested in his anything - give me a damn lab IOU and I will come back. So.... he did, I was almost out of there, but had to go back to where I checked in to check out and get my picture made for a great VA ID. Well... of course I am flustered and pissed when I get there and again I go in and there are fifity people that are 65 years and older waiting for an id, and this is where I truely feel shitty... but a man with a mental handicap was in charge of doing the ids was trying to explain to a women that I was in line to talk to that he was having issues with the machine... and I suppose he saw how shitty I looked... and he started stuttering... and having issues about his issue... I apoligized to him.. and walked out... near to tears, because I was pissed that I was pissed over some retarted expectations I had about being a combat veteran that weren't met, and how truely sad it was. NO ONE cares... no cares about the children effected, no cares about all the marriages ruined, no cares about the physical injuries... no cares about our WWII vets or our OIF/OEF vets... and everyone says yea they support our troops... but they support because it is what soiciety expects... not because they have any true knowledge about what really goes on in the world of the military - stateside or overseas.... so in the end, I went to the va to be seen because I have been wearing a splint on my wrist... why because it hurts. My sister tells me today that I have what appears to be two compressed nerves in my hands/wrist, commonly refered to as carpel tunel and that I would need a cortozone shot and possible most likely surgrey.... yea. Number 2 - the wife and husband that live in upstate new york that created a news station to stop anti muslim craziness.... well he chops her head off and pleads not guilty to 2nd degree murder... WTF... seriously check out CNN, because while I only gather the gist of the details... you can find them there. From my gathering which may be a little throwed off - is that after mulitple domestic violence disturbences... she served him with divorce papers. On the same day he got slapped with a restraining order, and wait for it... then cut her head off. Knowing that someone might read this point makes me a little weary to put how I really feel... but geez are you serious... what in the hell is going on in our great US of A... makes me so sad I could throw up. Something that makes me happy is my headstrong, determined son... who thinks that Jane Goodall is the lady that invented the monkey bars... love it, you have to. What innocence... I suppose if you just breathe, believe... leave the news and politics and all the shitty things out where you wish on stars not satellites... and just breathe...sing....bask in the sunshine, watch bluebirds, plant flowers, take long drives to nowhere... feel the sunshine over the rainbow, maybe the reflection of water in the sun, the feel of grass... thinking about what can possibly be in the palm of your hand, with a smile...and just be. Nothing else compares.